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ISBN: 978-1-940222-02-8

Available at

192 pages
$13.97 in softcover
$4.97 in Kindle

Other books
by Pamela Foster
The Perfect Victim
My Life with a Wounded Warrior
Bigfoot Blues
Redneck Goddess

Clueless Gringos in Paradise

Adventures with my husband, his PTSD,
and two enormous service dogs

by Pamela Foster

      Mel Brooks claims that "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
      Mel Brooks would enjoy the heck out of Clueless Gringos in Paradise. Author Pamela Foster and her Vietnam Veteran husband, Jack, sell everything they own, pick up the leashes of two 150-pound service dogs, and emigrate to the "tropical paradise" they expect to find in Panama. Jack is a former marine with raging PTSD, and the service dogs are mastiffs who are never further away than the end of a leash. The story takes readers through a hilarious and harrowing journey in airplanes, taxis, high-rise hotels, buses, boats, restaurants and cat-infested fish markets. Add a liberal dose of high anxiety – how could it not be hilarious?

Praise for Clueless Gringos in Paradise

      Clueless Gringos in Paradise is one of the funniest memoirs I've read in a long time.
      Pamela Foster takes a nearly impossible situation in the most unpleasant and crazy conditions and retells it with wit, humor and sarcasm. Who knew moving with two 150-pound mastiff service dogs and her husband, a former Marine and Vietnam vet with post-traumatic stress disorder, to live in Panama – where they expected to find tropical paradise – could be funny?
      Readers will laugh out loud to keep themselves from crying with Foster, who nearly has a breakdown in every chapter . . . Panama turned out to be a bit more than the couple bargained for.

      But the author's humorous voice and talent for storytelling is what moves this book along and makes readers giggle at parts and erupt into laughter at others.
      If you enjoy funny memoirs, you'll love Clueless Gringos in Paradise. This book is unique with a fitting title, and it's refreshing to find a writer who can laugh at herself and a nearly impossible situation.
      ~ Margo L. Dill, The News-Gazette of Central Illinois

      One of the best books anyone could read, from sheer horror, to the funniest adventure, then a return to panic. Pam is a very strong, enduring person – I would have been on a plane out the second week! Loved this book. I have already read it twice.
      ~ M. Krause

      After thoroughly enjoying Clueless Gringos in Paradise by Pamela Foster, I think of this memoir as Marley and Me with an edge — "undisneyfied" and funnier. The exploits of Foster, her ex-Marine husband with PTSD, and their two enormous service dogs in Panama left this old curmudgeon with a smile for days. Although her memoir is not polemic, I enjoyed Foster's frequent peeks at Americans in cultural conflict. I finished Clueless Gringos in Paradise with the feeling that I had made new and interesting friends, a sure sign of good storytelling.
      ~ Terry L. Winetsky, author of Los Angeles, 1968: Happy Ranch to Watts

Click here to see all the reviews for Clueless Gringos in Paradise!

An Excerpt:

      My husband, Jack, and I sit in our recliners – you know, the ones you see on TV with old people in them – and watch CNN while we pet the fur-covered, 150-pound trunkless elephants we call dogs, and contemplate another winter in the high desert of Arizona.
      "You know what?" I ask rhetorically.
      Jack doesn't answer. We've been married long enough that, first of all, he knows one of my lead-ins to a discussion about our lives when he hears it and, secondly, he's trained his brain to simply filter out nine-tenths of what comes floating out of my mouth.
      Knowing this, with no encouragement whatsoever, I continue, "It feels like we're just sitting here waiting to die."
      He turns his head and looks at me.
      A minute later, he says, "Yeah. It does, doesn't it?"
      After breakfast, I say, "Let's move to someplace green and warm with a beautiful blue ocean."
      This, right here, turns out to be the equivalent of saying, "I'll bet we could strap these two giant dogs to our backs and just leap right across that rocky abyss over yonder. Don't worry about those loose boulders. We'll be fine."
      Why would I even consider such a thing? Because Jack's my hero, and he came into my life when I really needed a hero.

      Pamela Foster is a courageous, funny, and open writer who bares her soul for all to see. You'll wish you could move next door to her just so you could call her your friend.
      Learn more about Pam at woundedwarriorwife.wordpress.com.

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